


Fathers, Sons, and Yellow Cocktail Dresses

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: Keep on Loving You [5]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Family, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2016-10-24
Packaged: 2018-08-24 11:50:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8371243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: “Dad, Liv is a total babe and a sweetheart.  But she's not my type.”





	

“Hello.” Liv picked up her phone from the coffee table.

“Hi Liv, its Sean.”

“Oh hey, I didn’t recognize your number.”

“My phone died, it’s charging right now so my friend let me borrow hers. Are you at home right now?”

“Yes.”

“Would it be cool if I came over and talked to you?”

“Well your dad isn't here; he went into the office today and won't be back until about four.”

“That’s OK because I wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh, alright. Sure c'mon on by.”

“Great.” Sean sounded relieved. “I'm not too far away so I can be there in about 20 minutes if that’s OK.”

“That’s fine. Hey, are you alright?”

“Yeah, I'm good. It’s the first weekend I've had off in like a month so I’m trying to relax and do a million things I don’t get to do on weekends anymore. So basically I've done next to nothing.”

“I get that.” Liv laughed. “I'm here so whenever you get here is fine.”

“OK. Thanks Liv, see you soon.”

Liv hung up the phone, checked the clock, and went back to her book. She had no idea what was going on but if Sean wanted to talk to her then she would be there. It had been a quiet, drizzly Saturday so far. Ed had gone into work at eight and Noah was off with his Saturday play group at 10. She was expecting to be alone at least until four and it was actually kind of nice. 

Liv was still in pajamas, hadn’t bothered to change as she made herself breakfast, read, listened to some music. It was the perfect mom’s day off. Now just a couple of hours later, she was getting company. It wasn’t a bad thing, Liv actually really liked Sean. Ed had been correct, of all his children Sean was the most like him. 

He was a sweet nurturer who had an easy smile and a calm spirit. But he could also be serious when the situation called for it. He was a decision maker and had those unshakeable Tucker morals. Liv really liked him. She liked all of Ed’s kids but Sean had stolen a bit of her heart. Like father, like son.

Getting up from the couch, Liv turned off her Kindle and went into the bedroom to change. Sean had seen her in pajamas once or twice but it was probably better not to sit around bumming it all day. After washing up, Liv stuck with the comfy clothes. She pulled out black lounge pants and an FDNY baseball shirt with three-quarter sleeves. She went to the kitchen and got a Diet Vanilla Coke from the fridge. Lunch was on her mind; she wasn’t sure if Sean was going to want to stay and eat or if this was going to be a quick visit. The buzzer by the door rang so she was about to find out.

“Hey Liv, it’s me.”

“C'mon up.” She opened the front door for him and then opened the door to her condo. Sean was taking the stairs two at a time and when he saw her he smiled. “Hey.”

“Hey. Thanks for letting me stop by.”

“It’s not a problem.” Liv closed the door once he was inside. “Are you hungry? I was just thinking about what to have for lunch.”

“A little but I'm actually meeting up with some folks in like an hour. I think we’ll be eating then.”

“Well come in and sit down. What's up?”

“I just need to ask you a favor.” Sean replied as he sat down on the couch. Olivia sat beside him.

“OK.”

“You have this great yellow cocktail dress, my dad showed me a picture of you in it. Do you think I could borrow it? I'm not quite sure we’re the same size, my shoulders are a bit broader but I've lost some weight recently so I'm willing to try.”

“If it fits you then I don’t have a problem with letting you borrow it…it’s a great dress. What are you going to be for Halloween?” Liv asked.

“I have no idea. I actually hate dressing up for Halloween, even though I love the holiday. Because I'm a perfectionist so when I come up with a costume it has to be so perfect and I can kind of take the fun out of it.”

“So you don’t want the dress for Halloween?”

“It’s for a party but not for dress up. I mean, I'm dressing up but I…” Sean sighed. He ran his hand over his face and Liv almost smiled. His father did the same thing when he was frustrated and didn’t know what to say next. “Sometimes I like to wear women’s clothing.”

“Oh.” Well she didn’t see that coming. Liv wasn’t even sure what that statement meant. She switched on her detective skills. Ask the right questions and you'll get the answers you need. “When you say sometimes, how often do you wear women’s clothing?”

“I don't know, there are seven days in a week so maybe like two. I don’t really do drag and I'm not transgender, I don’t think I'm transgender…I've spent a lot of time thinking about it. I like being a guy. I feel like a guy most of the time. But sometimes I just want to be pretty and feminine and wear nice dresses. I've spent a lot of years just ignoring it, doing little things under my clothes to indulge in it. But now that dad and I live apart, I've gotten more comfortable about it. My roommate Tiffany actually makes clothes. She's made me a few simple, black A-line dresses. I love them so much.”

“Do you attract men when you dress more feminine?” Liv asked.

“Not usually. Again, I've got scruff, everyone knows I'm a guy. But that doesn’t mean wearing a dress doesn’t make me feel good. I'm never going to get into the FBI with this kind of extra-curricular activities.”

“Sean, you're 20. I'm sure a lot of people your age engage in all kinds of things that they won't at 25, 30, or beyond. It doesn’t have to mean you won't get your dream job.”

“Being in law enforcement isn't my dream job…being in forensics is. And there is a difference. I just don’t want to let down my dad. I know he's been quiet about it but I saw the way his eyes lit up when I said I was thinking about the Academy. I want him to be proud of me.”

“He is.” Liv’s tone was firm. She didn’t need the conversation to splinter in five different directions though, she needed to keep on course. Sean sometimes liked to dress in women’s clothing. He felt this would prevent him from ever getting into the FBI. He was sure his father would disapprove though Liv wasn’t sure if he was thinking of the FBI, the women’s clothing, or both when he said that. “How long have you felt this way? Felt this need to embrace your feminine side?”

“Like three years I guess. I have a great group of friends, everyone is really in touch with their gender and sexuality and its fluidity and all that. So when I told a couple of people I'm really close to they were all super supportive. And they’ve been with me when I'm dressed more feminine and no one cares. It feels amazing but…my friends aren’t the entire world.”

“Sean, there isn't a soul in this world who lives up to all of society’s expectations. You have to do what makes you happy. I don't know what that is but I do know that it’s unfair and unhealthy to repress important parts of yourself. You're always going to feel an emptiness if you do that.”

“Here,” he pulled out his phone and opened the photo gallery. “This is me and Tiff last week at a gig her cousin’s band played. I was wearing one of the dresses she made me and some combat boots.”

Liv looked at the pictures. There was Sean in a black dress with a purple sash around the waist. His boots were purple as well. His usual scruff was visible and nothing about his hair was different than when she usually saw him. All that was different was the dress. He was grinning from ear to ear. Though Liv knew from experience that you couldn’t trust a picture to gauge a situation, both Sean and his friend tiffany looked happy.

“Are you horrified?” he asked quietly as he took the phone back.

“How could I ever be horrified at two kids looking incredibly happy?” Liv countered. “I'm not, Sean. I want you to do what makes you happy. We haven’t known each other for that long but in the time we have I think I've gotten to know a really good kid. And you being more fluid with your gender sometimes isn't going to change that.”

“My mom is going to shit herself when she finds out.”

“You can tell her when you're ready. You can also not tell her. One of the great things about being an adult is we have control over our destinies. We don’t have to be our parents’ interpretation of us, we just get to be us; flaws, yellow cocktail dresses, and all.”

“Thanks, Liv. Something in me said you would understand, or at least be tolerant. That’s kinda why I came to you first. That, and I totally covet that dress.”

“Well let's see if it fits you.” She stood up from the couch. “Are you into corsets because I have a few and maybe it might help with the fitting.”

“Oh my god,” Sean stood up too. “You have corsets?”

“Now you sound just like your father.” Liv laughed.

Sean laughed too, some of the tension draining from his body as they went into the master bedroom together. He didn’t want to completely lose himself in Liv’s closet but it was hard. Her regular, everyday clothes were rather bland, which wasn’t surprising since she was a cop, but her dresses were amazing. Liv had nice breasts and hips and didn’t mind showing them off. She liked color, played with it to her advantage with that olive skin tone. He was reverent as he held the yellow dress on its hanger.

“Oh my god, I can't believe I'm holding it. Covet!”

“Are you going to be OK getting undressed in front of me?” Liv asked smiling. She'd never quite seen him so animated.

“I'm 20 Liv, I love getting undressed in front of everyone.” Sean replied.

“Noted.”

She took the dress and he stripped down to his white briefs. It gave Liv a chance to check out his proportions. His shoulders weren't that much broader than hers were, he might fit the dress just perfectly. Taking it off the hanger and unzipping it, Liv put it over Sean’s head. She could hear the sharp intake of breath as he held it against his chest. She zipped it and then hooked the top of the neckline. It was nearly a perfect fit.

“This definitely needs peep toe heels.” Sean said.

“That’s what I wear with it. I don’t think we’re the same size though.”

“I'm an 11, I've got a few pair at home that might work well. A flat shoe is an insult to this magnificent dress.”

“You look good.” She smiled.

“I think I’ll do a little stuffing to accentuate the shape better.” Sean was smoothing the dress over his chest. “This dress screams for perfect breasts.”

“It kinda does.”

“I know right? And then…”

“Sean?” Ed walked into the bedroom with a confused look on his face. “Liv?”

“Dad!” Sean exclaimed. His face went a ghostly pale.

“What’s going on?” Ed asked.

“I didn’t hear you come in.” Liv said.

“I just want someone to answer my question.”

“I um, we were…” Sean looked as if he was going to be sick. He looked to Liv for guidance.

“Sean came to borrow my yellow cocktail dress for his friend’s Halloween party.” She said. “I was a bit concerned that his shoulders might be too wide but he told me he lost a little weight recently. We were trying it on just to be sure.”

“You almost gave me a heart attack.” Ed clutched his chest as his face went from shock to relief.

“Dad, Liv is a total babe and a sweetheart. But she's not my type.” Sean smiled. He was feeling a bit of relief too. “I think it fits Liv, I should just take it and get out of your hair.”

“Here,” Liv unzipped it for him before going over to the closet. “Take the black one and the purple one too…I don’t wear the purple much these days. Maybe they might be what you're looking for for the party.”

“Oh wow, wow Liv thanks. Um, I’ll just go in the bathroom and change.”

Sean gathered up his clothes, went into the bathroom, and closed the door. Liv looked at Ed and he looked back at her. She’d known his eyes for a long time; the wheels in his head were quickly turning.

“I conducted three very tough interviews today and when it was all done, all I wanted was to come home to you.” Ed started walking towards her. “I know you were probably thrilled to have some time to yourself…”

“It was nice.” Liv smiled, putting her arms around his neck. “But Noah won't be back for a few hours. A little adult time is nice as well.”

“What did I just walk in on, baby?”

She was about to answer when Sean came out of the bathroom. He looked sheepish as he walked over to the couple.

“Liv, I love you so much; you are a godsend.” He kissed her cheek. “I think these will work out perfectly. I’ll bring them back in pristine condition, I promise. Father…”

“I’ll walk you out.” Ed said, leaving Liv’s arms and following Sean out of the bedroom. 

Liv let out the breath she was holding and had a fit of nervous laughter. It was all something out of a bad sitcom. Not the part about Sean and what he was feeling about gender but Ed walking in as his fiancée and oldest son were playing dress up. He had questions, anyone would, but Liv hoped he wouldn’t ask her. She wasn’t comfortable lying to him. The Halloween scenario wasn’t a complete lie but there was a lot more to it than that. She would keep Sean’s confidence but that would be easier if she wasn’t in the hot seat with a bunch of questions being lobbed at her.

“You're so good to my kids.” Ed walked back into the bedroom smiling. “They really like you.”

“I like them too.”

“I told Sean to be careful with your dresses.”

“I'm sure he will be.” Liv smiled. It was time to change the subject. “So, I think you were talking earlier about missing me terribly.”

“I was getting to that but didn’t quite make it.”

“Don’t stop now, you're doing great.”

She was in Ed’s arms again, he was kissing her. Liv loved the feeling. She knew she'd told him probably a million times but it was worth repeating.

“How does a nap sound?” he asked. “Just a little cat nap.”

“I like it. What about after?”

“I think we’ll nap and then when we wake up, I’ll touch you all over. All over.”

“Wonderful.”

“And I'm not taking you away from anything?” Ed asked as they made their way over to the bed.

“You are taking me away.” Liv replied, stroking his face. “And I love you for it.”

“I love you too, Livvie.”

***

Paul’s Deli and Grill was a block and a half from the 16th police district which housed Manhattan SVU. Liv knew when she ordered lunch, late, that it would take forever for them to deliver…walking there would be quicker. So that’s exactly what she did. She'd been craving the grilled chicken and Swiss on a long roll with honey mustard for two days. Now she finally had one. 

What she didn’t expect was the drizzle to turn to driving rain right as she was walking out of the store. Liv had to run back to the precinct but she was still pretty wet. She stopped in her tracks when she saw Ed standing outside. He was under a large black umbrella smoking a cigarette.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” she asked.

“You're soaked.” He walked away from the wall and held the umbrella over her.

“I was late getting lunch. I figured it was just drizzling, I could walk up the block. There are towels upstairs so I can dry off. What's going on?”

“I had lunch with Sean this afternoon.”

“Is he alright? Ed, what’s the matter?” Liv took the cigarette from his hand. He was holding it, not smoking it. If he decided to smoke it there was going to be nowhere to blow the smoke but back in her face. She crushed it under her boot.

“Did he tell you, Liv? Did he tell you about the gender fluidity stuff? He's not using those dresses for a Halloween party, he wears them because he likes it.”

“He told me.” She nodded.

“And you didn’t say anything?” he stared at her.

“It wasn’t my place to. He thought you would freak out, he couldn’t handle telling you. I wasn’t entirely comfortable having the knowledge and not being able to say anything but I wasn’t going to break his confidence.”

“There are a million new words and labels and definitions. I don’t know what my son is.”

“Did you ask him?”

“He wouldn’t, or couldn’t, give me a straight answer.” Ed replied. “He likes to wear dresses. And those tight tee shirts like Cait wears that I don’t like. But he says he doesn’t want to be a woman. Who dresses in women’s clothes if they don’t want to be a woman?”

“Some people do I'm sure.” Liv put her hand on his arm. “C'mon, it’s pouring out here. We’ll go upstairs and talk a little.”

“I don’t want to take you away from work. We promised not to do this to each other.”

“I've been staring at paperwork for hours; I deserve a lunch break. C'mon, you're not taking me away from anything.”

They went into the building together and got on the elevator. It was good that her detectives were out on assignments, there were only a few people to give Ed Tucker that look as he walked with Olivia through the precinct. Once they were in her office, she closed the door and the shades. He sat down on the couch, looking tired and dejected. 

Liv took off her jacket and hung it on the back of her chair. Then she joined him with her lunch. She wasn’t sure how much of it she would actually be able to enjoy. She'd never quite seen this look on Ed’s face before. Had he been crying? She wanted to call Sean, make sure he was OK. Where would she even begin?

“What did he tell you?” Ed asked.

“Sean? He said he enjoyed dressing in women’s clothes sometimes and feeling feminine. He said he didn’t think he was transgender, that he was comfortable with his masculinity but also comfortable with his femininity. He worried that you and his mother would be very uncomfortable with it.”

“But you weren't?” Ed looked at her.

“Well…not really. Sean is young and I think it’s healthy for young people to explore who they are and who they want to be and not have to repress everything. It might be the one thing millennials have that none of us ever did. They get to be themselves a whole lot sooner.”

“But what does it even mean? He likes to dress like a woman sometimes. He doesn’t shave his face but he waxes his legs.”

“Maybe that makes him feel good, Ed.”

“He was always a normal kid.” He sounded bitter when he said it.

“He is still a normal kid. Look at me, look at me, Edward.”

Ed looked at her. She didn’t often call him by his first name and definitely not in that tone. That was the tone reserved for Noah when she was telling him something for the third time. She probably used that tone in the interrogation room. Come to think of it she had used it with him before, definitely before they were friends. It had been so long Ed had almost forgotten.

“Sean is normal. He's a great young adult. He gets good grades, he works, he loves his family and his friends. He has never given you a problem. This isn't a problem.”

“What is it?” Ed asked.

“It’s who he is.”

“Is it a phase, Liv? Like when Noah wore the tutu and tiara? I was fine with that, I'm old but I know that you shouldn’t force gender stereotypes on your kids. But…it was never my kids.”

“Now it is.” She took his hand. “Tell me what you're thinking.”

Ed felt like he didn’t know his son. Sean had been living with him since he was sixteen years old. Ed wasn’t naïve enough to think he knew everything the boy was doing at all times but he knew him pretty well. He smoked pot occasionally and was known to be a pretty good beer pong player, which meant he drank beer. He’d never had a long term relationship but there had always been a few girls coming by the house. 

He dated a lot of Asian young ladies though Ed didn’t know if that meant anything or not. His grades had always been OK though not perfect. He was doing better in college than he had in high school. And never once did his father even suspect he might be “different”. Was he different? 

He said he wasn’t gay, he said he wasn’t transgender, then what was he? Was there a label for it? Sean didn’t have one. And Ed had been too dazed to think for most of the conversation. He was too dazed to think now.

“I don't know.” He shook his head. “This is going to take a while to digest. My head is killing me.”

“I've got some Aleve in my drawer.” Liv went to get up but Ed was still holding on to her.

“I'm going to need some help.” He whispered.

“I know.” She nodded. “The first conversation is always the toughest. Just love him, Ed. Love him and listen to him and also understand that not every question has a straightforward, black and white answer.”

“And you're OK with him sometimes borrowing your clothes?”

“As long as he brings them back undamaged, sure. Cait has at least two of my tee shirts right now.”

“My son and my daughter borrow my girlfriend’s clothes.”

“Aren’t you glad you have such a cool girlfriend?”

At least she got a smile out him. Liv got him an Aleve and some water from outside at the cooler. After he took it, Ed just leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes. He wasn’t speaking and Liv thought it was the perfect time to open her sandwich. She wasn’t going to have forever to fiddle with lunch. Though she felt a tinge of guilt for eating in front of him while Ed was clearly having a bit of a crisis, Liv was starving. She took a bite of her sandwich and tried not to moan into it. She was that hungry.

“That smells good.” Ed mumbled under his arm, which was now covering his face.

“I've been craving it for days. It tastes better than it smells if you can believe it.”

“I didn’t eat much lunch this afternoon.”

“Wanna share?”

“Really?” Ed lifted his arm, looking at her through half-closed lids.

“Yeah. C'mon, you need to eat.”

“Alright, I’ll eat and then get back to the office. I really didn’t mean to be gone so long. I was worried about Sean, something seemed off. So when he asked me if I wanted to get a bite to eat I pushed everything aside so we could talk.”

“That’s because you're a good dad.” Liv said, pushing half of the sandwich over to him. She was going to miss it but there would be other sandwiches, other days.

“I need to call Sean and apologize. I didn’t react well, baby, I was in shock. I wasn’t calm, I may have sounded mean when I bombarded him with questions. I wasn’t a good dad. It ended so abruptly. Sean said he was late for a study group but I think he just wanted to get away from me.”

“You'll fix it.”

“Can I?”

“Yes. Eat some, get back to the office, and then you'll fix it. I have faith in you; I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

Ed seemed sad but he did eat and eventually he left her precinct and went back to his office. It was hard for Liv to concentrate on work. This was her family now and they were going through a rough patch. She was 100% on Sean’s side and would do everything she could to make sure his father understood where he was coming from. She knew that Ed wasn’t a rigid and intolerable man. 

She also knew that he was a 53 year old white male from the Midwest…there were things he didn’t understand. And often it was easier to say you accepted things when they weren’t happening right amongst your own. He loved his family, of that Liv had no doubt. It might take time and support but they would get through this. Ed hadn’t once given up on Olivia through her ups and downs…she wouldn’t give up on him either.

***


End file.
